Book Review: Same As It Ever Was

 

Book review:  Same and it Ever Was by Claire Lombardo

WARNING: Potential spoilers but nothing that gives away spoilers scene by scene. 

There are so many relatable feelings and passages in this book. I give it a solid 4/5 stars ⭐⭐⭐⭐. This book stressed me out and I blew through it quick! I teared up a little at the end.  The book tells of Julia Ames and the culmination of feelings/ emotions/ avoidance/ deflection/forming, separating, and holding onto relationship leading up to her son's wedding. 

In reading others' reviews many make comments on the character. I, personally, appreciate her flaws While she may not be the most idealistic hero, she is definitely a protagonist and experiences a journey full circle. It can be difficult to watch as she sabotages her life many times. but the strength she finds and the awards relationships she forges and maintains are lovely. 

I really like how the author captures the grit of relationships, unconventional upbringing, and in fact motherhood. Relationships: There are quite a few in this book and I admired several key characters. First there is the relationship between Julia and Mark. Mark is her husband and their relationship almost seemed like an opposites attract. Mark's jerk friend Brady even says essentially to Julia 'our spouses are more alike we should have traded.' Anyway, Mark is there for Julia nearly always. He is a loveable characters and STANDS by her while she tries to push him away. Whoa...just whoa. How are the author do this! Be careful Claire or the feminists will come get you! Just kidding--it is a brave move to take a stand and write about keeping the unit together. There are several great dialogues between Mark and Julia on their past and it is brough up several times. I just really liked Mark's character and my 4 start rating is because...well...essentially the epilogue. I really think Julia and Mark love each other and they support and stand up for each other. You can tell they are friends after 30 years together and I hung on to this throughout the book. 🏩💌

 "She'd once feared being close to him but now they don't know how not to be together, even when they want to be apart; this is perhaps different, she sees now, than what she's always mistaken for intimacy; they have spent so much time, now, in the impenetrable haze of intuition and misunderstanding and willful blindness that is a long marriage, that she can't remember what it's like to be anywhere else"

The second relationship is between Julia and Helen. Now while I first thought Helen was her mom...it is not. Not to digress, but that is also a big relationship in the book but not one of my favorites I am highlighting. Helen is an older, wiser woman whom Julia meets at the botanical gardens when she is suffering from possible a chronic depression/post partum depression (that was most likely triggered by her spineless mother). Helen is a successful friend who is motherly towards Julia and who has a therapeutic effect on her. She begins feeling happier...but also her relationship with Helen is a catalyst for nearly destroying another relationship. Before I move on I really loved this relationship also. My husband points out that at least 4 times in various places we have lived I have befriended an older woman. This older woman was my obi-wan and I can't tell you how much wisdom, advice, and memories made with them. Shout out to my own Helen Russo's (Sharon, Flossy, and Dawn).

Quick diversion: 

Mothers are complicated and a lot of books have a dysfunctional mother/daughter relationship. Parents are individuals who are given a job of raising and protecting humans. It is heartbreaking to see the breakdown of that. Julia and her mom's relationship really drove her to who is is and how she acted. She tried to hard not to be her mother and often you see her intentionally making different decisions than her mother would. IT is heartbreaking to see her yearn for this relationship with her mother.  "You could get used to not having someone in your life but you could never completely stop wanting them there." 

Lastly is the relationship with Julia to her kids. Now I honestly do feel like her kids put her down more than necessary. I see this a lot in books. Teenage/older kids just being jerks to the mom and by the end of the book realize how much their mom loves them. The kids always end up softening up a bit. That is pretty much how this went as well. It becomes clear in the book through that Julia: 1. did not exactly know how to be a parents, 2. is not used to love and as a result has difficulty showing her own love 3. expects people to leave her. So....she might not be the best mom, but the book honestly shows very little of that. She had some fragile and near disastrous moments when her son was younger, but certainly nothing that should lead to her kids thinking down on her. In all, I am glad they both come around and seem to appreciate her more in the end. 

I want to touch on this motherhood journey. Julia finds Helen because she is always tearful and crying. She has anxiety and a heavy depression. Helen is the only one who seems to pull her out of this. I just love the honestly of this. How draining it can be to put on a face and front all the time. I am so happy to be a mother and grateful for my kinds...but I won't lie I crave time each night where I can just be alone and get lost in nothingness. I also have fatalizing worries and what if scenarios. A lot of the book is the main character Julia in her own head. I really dug this. 

"She feels, too, unbelievably tired, stymied by gravity; so much of motherhood has for her, been this particular feeling, abject disbelief that she's not only expected by obligated to do one more thing."

"Parenthood was a persistent cruelty, a constant simultaneous desire to be together and apart."

I stan this book for the character journey and development, the raw portrayal of unsettled family love, SUZANNE the dog,  and the beautiful story.